Sunday, December 28, 2008

Let it melt!

That’s right – I said it: let the arctic melt away. Why would I say such a thing you might inquire? Because this year I wrote to Santa Claus and specifically requested a special gift: Misaki Ito. Not a Misaki Ito calendar. Not a Misaki Ito bobble head. Not a Misaki Ito pillowcase. I asked for the real thing! MISAKI ITO (伊東美咲) herself.

So on Christmas morning I raced downstairs and guess what I found? NOTHING. I looked high and low; outside then inside. I crawled under the house in case those mice were stirring and stole her - they're clever like that. I checked the chimney in case she got caught on the flue. I checked the kitchen just in case Santa was scrounging for cookies and milk. I NEVER leave cookies out for him – he needs to lose some weight. I even looked for a lump of coal in case Santa was punishing me. There was no coal either which was good - because I was so angry I could have squashed it into a diamond! I checked every closet in case Misaki was disoriented from being in Santa’s toy bag or had gotten knocked in the head by some moron’s Nordic Track that Santa was delivering. Nothing. No sign of her. How could this happen!?

Look, I haven’t asked Santa for anything since I was six years old. I haven’t done anything bad since I was 23 years old! Okay maybe 25 but still, it’s been a really long time. So what's up?

Well Santa let me tell you something: No longer will I support the cause to save the North Pole. I will aid global warming in any way I can think of. The North Pole will melt away! I will so enjoy the day when your elves are clinging desperately to their wooden workbenches as they float away. I will snicker as your reindeer are forced to do menial labor in the herds of Lapland. And I will laugh maniacally as you flee from all those hungry polar bears fighting for what’s left of the ice. Run Santa Run.

Come on people, lighten up - its the holidays!

- Just a peasant

2 Comments:

Blogger Martin said...

So, you like Misaki Ito, then?

11:04 AM  
Anonymous Just a peasant said...

Hi Martin,

HaHa - yes and apparently along with all the millions of other people. :)

11:36 AM  

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