Chengdu

Chengdu was struck by an earthquake and thousands are dead now. I was just coming to terms with my frustration over the cyclone victims in Myanmar. On that day, all day long, people asked what was wrong with me. Why was I so quiet?

I stared through the microscope all day long but I don’t remember looking at anything. I was on auto-pilot. I couldn’t get my mind off all those people that died in and around Chengdu. People at my work said things to me but I don’t remember what they said. I called a company to check on some hormones. The company put me on hold and so I sat there feeling really sad for all those people. For all those people that would have to identify their dead loved ones over the coming days. I thought about all the lacerations, concussions, fractures, amputations, punctures, suffocations, and internal hemorrhaging. I didn’t even realize that I had been on hold for 30 minutes. I hung up.

After work I sat in a dimly lit room and stared at the wall for a couple of hours – thinking about Chengdu. I thought about peoples’ arms sticking out of the rubble. About dead faces covered with cardboard or blankets. About all those people that wouldn’t be coming home that night. I don't actually get phased by things very much but this started to sink in for some reason. I tried not to cry – I really did. But I just couldn’t help it.

I haven’t felt much like writing since then.

I’m numb.

- Just a peasant

A winter picture in China from Jian Shuo Wang's blog